Sunday 21 February 2010

Tiger, mate.



1411 is an odd number. In a hypothetically ideal event of a 50-50 gender proportion, some of the either male or female tigers will have to be...non-monogamous.

But I guess fidelity is the least of their problems. The real one lies in them being not 'gamos' at all. Now, I'm not an expert on this topic, but I have read/heard somewhere that these cats are difficult to breed. I am assuming this translates into them being not very bunny-like in their libido. Otherwise, imagine, tigers breeding like fish, or pigs (if you want a mammary example). But no. They seem to be the silent loner types who would walk into a single's bar and walk out alone after a few Tigers.

On a serious note, I'd be obviously expected to say that we, as humankind, should stop poaching. Of course. We have been saying this for decades now. Isn't helping much. So an out-of-the-box idea for the tigers would be to start hitting the sack with their own kinds and spawn till the dawn breaks.

That ad tells us to 'speak up' and 'blog' about tigers. I am assuming a lot of you are already spreading stripey messages to the human species. So I thought mine should be directed towards panthera tigris. Fuck much dudes, or you're gonna follow the dinos to fossiland.

Speaking of extinction, I think evolution (or God, if you're that kind) botched up big time. I mean look at the animals that have gone. Starting from cool pterodactyls to awesome saber tooths to mammoths. These were all such kick ass beings. EPIC. Imagine having these around today. But no, they didn't survive evolution. And guess who did? Mosquitoes and pigs and earthworms. That's who. Couldn't it just have been the other way round? I mean, the whole population of the world is killing mosquitoes and flies by the trillions everyday. But I don't see a "Just 5455 mosquitoes left" campaign anywhere. Heck, evolution/God even chose cockroaches to be nuclear-attack-immune. Yeah right. Like they will single-handedly rebuild the earth after an apocalyptic event.

Coming back to tigers, the layman in me often asks - how difficult it would be to artificially inseminate a tigress? I mean, we have put robots on red planets. And Attenborough (Speilberg) almost brought back dinos from...guess who... mosquito fossils. So why don't a bunch of Nobel winning biologists do something about getting two tigers together. Make one of them watch porn, and get his stuff in a test tube? Too much sci-fi? I don't think so.

Yes of course. Bottom line still remains that we need to hold back our spears. Especially when it comes to awesome cats such as these. I mean, look at them. Try getting that badass attitude from a pig. No, we really can't afford to lose these kinds. I am sure you can get aphrodisiacs from, say a donkey's penis, or medicinal value out of rat bones. Leech pelts will look good on ramps too. Just leave the goddamn Tiger alone. For a while at least; till they get back to being like their golfing namesake.


Image source: www.wallbase.net

11 comments:

Arslan said...

So, its the tiger's fault! lol.. :)

Flickering Cursor said...

@Arslan :) Not so much 'fault'. But yeah, fitness levels are a concern. The tigress can't use the headache excuse every night.

Jil Jil Ramamani said...

Why? Why would you root for mosquitoes?

mentalie said...

i think there should be a parallel movement to 'not save people'. extinction for mankind could just be the only thing that saves the planet.

Flickering Cursor said...

Heh. Mentalie answered Jil Jil's question.:). Root for mosquitoes, more malaria, lesser people.

@Ment.As Douglas Adams once said, the planet doesn't need saving. It's survived enough comets. It's the organisms that are in peril. Dinos went, so will tigers, mosquitoes, and people.

@Jil Jil. I wasn't originally rooting for mosquitoes, but now I think it's a good option. Thanks for dropping by BTW.

mentalie said...

ah, so there's hope then.

Anonymous said...

nice post. thanks.

mnraj said...

its true that they can't reproduce as much as pigs and mosquito's, but the existing ones are getting killed because of our hunting habits and the rest remaining ones will not be able to reproduce to increase numbers, and end of the day numbers matter so better save the existing.

Flickering Cursor said...

The idea is to start reproducing BEFORE they start losing in numbers. With 1411 around, there's at least enough, if not a lot, of fish in the sea.

Jandy said...

lovely post, FC !
heard more tigers are killed by speeding vehicles than poaching, by the way. and the last i heard, a preggie female tiger too - so that's 2 killed at one go! even after the reproduction worked ! sigh !

Flickering Cursor said...

Preggie tigers. So even the number 1411 should be added up a few fractions.